I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize