Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
