If i come over, it means nothing
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
