before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How does one acquire holy water?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
