i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
