nut hugger
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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