she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can text with my tongue
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
