He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
