If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
