We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize