No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
