Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
