my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
