goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
