I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize