I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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