I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
