im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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