We got so high we made milksteak
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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