I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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