Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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