i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
