Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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