Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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