I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
