i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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