It's like God shit irony all over that family
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
