i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
