the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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