This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
