The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
