Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
