Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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