If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
