Do you still have your period?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
