It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
