P.S. I can't hear my feet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
