4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
