Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
