You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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