so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize