Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
