be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
