my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
