ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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