Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
