i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
