she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
