is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish you could order shots online.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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