i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
