I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Did you just see the Batmobile???
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize