Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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