Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
