my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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