When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
