Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
this is an emotional support booty call
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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