Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
