after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
