My first STD was from a foam party
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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