I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
