Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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