I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
