i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
