Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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