Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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