Jerry, you need to find god
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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