Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
