you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
