if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
