I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So vagazzling was a success
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
