so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
