3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
