FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
