false alarm. still invincible.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
