i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
