I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
