Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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